Today's Myth: Is the Necronomicon real?
by Grakul
Summary: A crossover between the Mythbusters and the Cthulhu Mythos: The Mythbusters take on the myth of whether the Necronomicon is real or not.
1. Chapter 1

It was just another day at M-5 Industries.

"So, Jamie", said Adam, "what myth are we busting today?"

"I assume you've heard about the Necronomicon," Jamie begun.

"Yeah, the legendary book on occultism, written by Abdul Alhazred, but assumed to be something that the horror writer H.P. Lovecraft made up."

"Well, there are some people who believe the Necronomicon is real, and that Lovecraft knew this but didn't dare to admit it. On the Internet there's quite a few companies selling books claiming to be 'the real Necronomicon', so I figure we should order some of those and take a look at them."

"Sure."

"_Said and done", _the Narrator said,_ "and a few days later several parcels arrive at Mythbusters HQ. Adam's as happy as a kid at Christmas."_

"Hahaa!" Adam laughed as he tore the first parcel open, revealing a book bound in black leather. Written on the front of it was 'The Necronomicon – By Abdul Alhazred – The Mad Arab'. Adam started flicking through the pages.

"Cool, the pagination is in Roman numbers!" he exclaimed. Jamie went up to him and started opening a smaller parcel, which contained a thin pocket book that was simply titled 'Necronomicon'.

"I guess this is the budget version", he said.

"I think it's pretty clear which one will summon the biggest monsters!" said Adam.

The rest of the parcel opening was fast-forwarded, and then Jamie said:

"Well, we've had a good look at all the books now, and two of them seem like they could be the real thing. This one", he held up the black book that Adam had pored over earlier, "and this one", he held up a slightly bigger, purple hardback book, titled 'The Necronomicon – An English Translation'.

"I don't think either of them will contain any functioning rituals, though", he finished.

"_Famous last words", _said the Narrator. _"Tory comes along to offer some safety advice."_

"I don't think you should read those too much, guys", Tory said to Adam and Jamie. "In Call Of Cthulhu, you lose sanity if you read the Necronomicon."

"Then Adam's got nothing to worry about", said Jamie.

"Ha ha", said Adam sarcastically.

"Okay, Jamie, I know you don't like this, but… we're going to have a competition", Adam said. Jamie sighed. Unbothered, Adam continued.

"You take this Necronomicon", he handed Jamie the purple book, "and I take this Necronomicon", he pointed at the black book, "we each pick a ritual from them, and see which one of us has the most success."

"_The lads get to work, going to opposite ends of the workshop so they don't know what the other is doing."_

"The ritual I'm going to try", said Jamie, "is one that's supposed to make matter behave in a non-Euclidian way – for example, letting two straight lines on a flat surface cross each other more than once. Obviously, this is mathematically impossible, so it's a good test for this myth."

"_While Jamie's gone for the scientific stuff, Adam has chosen something a little more… classic."_

"I'm going to summon a** blasphemous abomination**… from the **darkest depths of space! **Bwahahahahaha!" Adam roared.


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay", said Jamie, "this is a pretty straightforward ritual. I simply need to touch the thing I want to… 'enchant', for want of a better word, and recite the right passage from the Necronomicon. I've chosen a few different objects: a white piece of hardboard that I'm going to draw straight lines on once it's enchanted, a chair, and a coffee cup. Like I said before, I don't think this myth will give us any successful results."

"My ritual claims that it will open a gate to an alternate reality and summon a being from it", said Adam. "Hopefully this 'being' will be something huge, with lots of tentacles and stuff. Anyways, to do the ritual you need a sacrifice to burn in a fire. Obviously we can't take something living, so a dead pig will have to do. Then you have to chant some funny words that are in this book, and voila. Oh, and you have to do everything at night."

"_Tory and Kari go shopping, while Grant starts constructing a bonfire in the harbor."_

"The harbor is a good place for big fires", said Grant as he took wooden scraps out of a trailer and tossed them into a huge pile, "since there's asphalt everywhere and lots of water nearby." He pointed to his left and the camera turned in that direction, showing that the pile of wood was just a few yards from the quay edge.

Meanwhile, Tory and Kari arrived at the butcher shop. Tory whispered to the camera:

"It's always fun bringing Kari here… she's a vegetarian." They went into the shop and shook hands with the owner.

"We need some pigs", said Tory.

"Sure", said the owner, "we've got lots of them.

They went into another room. About twenty dead pigs were hanging from the roof. Kari put her hand over her mouth, looking rather disgusted.

"Nice!" said Tory.

Later, Kari and Tory left the shop with several pig corpses. Tory had to carry all of them.

"_Jamie's got everything prepared for his ritual now, and everyone comes to watch."_

"So what have you been doing, Jamie?" asked Adam.

"My ritual enchants matter so it can act in non-Euclidian ways. I'm going to try it on this piece of hardboard, this chair, and this coffee cup. Which still has coffee in it."

"Great. Go ahead."

Jamie opened his purple Necronomicon and put his hand on the hardboard. Then he began reading.

"Y'ai'ng'ngah, Yog-Sothoth, h'ee-l'geb, f'ai throdog, uaaaah!"

Adam giggled. Jamie didn't care. He grabbed a pencil and a ruler, and drew a straight line on the hardboard.

"Does it look like you could draw another straight line that crosses this in two places?" he asked Adam.

"Actually… it does!" said Adam, took the ruler and the pencil, and drew another line. Everyone looked at the two lines in amazement. They were both perfectly straight, yet they met in two places.

"Well, there goes Euclid, said Grant.

"_Success for the Hyneman!"_

Jamie repeated the ritual with the chair and the coffee cup. When he sat down in the chair, he appeared to be sitting at a steep angle, but the chair looked just like before. When he attempted to take a sip of coffee from the cup, it fell out on the other end of it and hit the floor.

"I must say I'm surprised", said Jamie. "This turned out much better than I dared to hope for. Will be interesting to see if Adam can beat this."

"_It sure__ will__, Jamie. As night falls, the__ gang heads down__ to the harbor to__ put Adam's__ ritual to the test."_


	3. Chapter 3

"It's the middle of the night", said Adam, "we're down at the harbor… and I'm going to summon a demon. Awesome."

Tory put the dead pig in place on the wood pile, while Grant and Kari fixed Buster to a rack nearby.

"The being we summon might be dangerous", said Kari, "so we are going to let Buster do it. We've put a speaker in his mouth so Adam can chant into a microphone at a safe distance."

Tory poured barbecue fluid over the pig and the wood, and put a small black box down.

"This is a remote igniter", he said. "With this we can start the fire from a distance."

"_All is set, and everyone hurries away from the danger zone."_

Grant activated the remote igniter, and the pig and wood burst into flames. Adam grabbed the microphone and opened his black Necronomicon.

"Summoning alien being, test one", he said. "In three… two… one… Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn." His voice came out of Buster's speaker. Adam repeated the phrase over and over.

"_And… nothing. Luckily, Adam thinks he knows what the problem is."_

"When Tory put down the pig on the pile of wood, he wasn't very careful, and the pig got damaged. The Necronomicon says that a 'complete sacrifice' is needed, so we're going to try again. But we have to hurry, we have to complete this before the sun rises."

"_As quickly as possible, the lads set up everything again and put a new pig in place – carefully."_

Once more, the sacrifice was set on fire.

"Summoning alien being, test two", Adam said into the microphone. "In three… two… one… Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh…"

A rent was torn in the air above the flames. It widened, revealing a blackness that was darker than the night sky around it. Something huge pulled its way through and fell into the flames, almost extinguishing them. The rent closed behind it. As it arose, the cameras got a better view of it.

The thing was an ugly, green color that seemed to change as if pulsating. It had six deformed legs that supported a swollen, rotund body. The head seemed like it had been placed in its low position almost randomly. It had six eyes, and the lower half of the face was a wriggling mass of tentacles.

"It's got a Hyneman moustache!" yelled Kari.

The tentacles ripped Buster from his supports with ease, and stuffed him into the mouth that was hiding behind the tentacles. The creature chewed on Buster for a few moments, then spat him out disappointedly. It turned towards the sea, and with a clumsy jump it launched itself into the water, where it swam off with surprising agility.

Adam laughed loudly as the Mythbusters approached the remnants of the summoning site.

"Dude!" he shouted.

"Buster's busted again", said Grant. Buster had been torn in half, and had huge bite marks all over him. To top it off, he was covered in a half-transparent slime.

Back in the HQ, it was time for the final review of the myth.

"We both succeeded with our rituals", said Adam. "There's definitely some truth to this myth."

"Yeah", said Jamie, "but the myth is whether the Necronomicon is real, not its rituals. We can't be sure that either of the books we used was the actual Necronomicon. I think we have to call this one plausible."

"Totally plausible", said Adam. "And remember people, don't try to summon alien monstrosities at home. We're experts. We do this so you don't have to."


End file.
